Your wife has had an affair. It’s a devastating realization. It’s normal to experience a wide range of emotions. You may feel jealous, angry and even disgusted by her betrayal. You may feel at times like you’ll never be able to love and respect her again. With a bit of patience, time and hard work you can find your way back to each other.
Own Your Role in The Affair
A marriage cannot break down because of one person’s actions. Most often an affair happens because the marriage is already in trouble. In order to understand what happened and begin to forgive your wife, it’s important to take responsibility for your actions or inactions. How did you contribute to the breakdown of your marriage and the eventual affair?
While there’s no excuse for an affair, it is important to understand why it happened. Being able to empathize with your wife can help you begin to love and respect her again.
Give Her an Opportunity to Win Back Your Love and Respect
Often, when someone cheats, they are willing to do the work to repair the marriage. If you are interested in working it out, it’s important that you communicate your wants and needs to your wife. Sit down with her and let her know how you feel and what you need.
Focus On the Positive
It can be easy to dwell on the negative. And while negative emotions are natural, they also need to subside so you can make room to move forward. Negative emotions like jealousy and anger only hold you and your wife back. Start trying to remember what you love about your wife.
Take time to appreciate the good things about your wife. If you’re feeling particularly hopeful then share those positive insights and emotions with her. It will help you become closer to each other. We all want to feel admired and appreciated.
It’s also important to focus on yourself during this time. Feelings of self doubt and worthlessness can creep in. Instead of dwelling on your mistakes, focus on what you do well and what you’re proud of. This is the perfect time for a little self reflection and self improvement.
Consider Getting Outside Help and Expert Advice
Marriage counseling isn’t for everyone. However, there are wonderful marriage coaches and marriage repair and fitness programs. These programs may be exactly what you both need. They can provide you with a step by step way to deal with your emotions.
They can provide a structured form for respectful communication. And they can help you find your way back to each other – build a stronger, better, more satisfying marriage.
It is possible to love and respect her again after the affair. Be patient and allow time, communication, and outside expertise to help you rebuild your marriage.