Are you asking the question: how to save my marriage? In many cases the longer the problems are allowed to grow, the resentment and anger are allowed to build up, the harder it can be to pull your relationship back from the brink. It can be difficult, but it’s not impossible.
There are several things you’ll need to have in place if you want your marriage to work and the first one is a burning desire to make it work. And it’s not enough for just one of you to have that, you both need to have it.
If one or the other of you is indifferent, or worse, doesn’t want to save the marriage, there really isn’t much that can be done. A marriage is a partnership, if you both aren’t working together it’s not going to work.
How To Save My Marriage Steps
So step one to answer the question: how to save my marriage is to make sure you are both willing to put in the time and effort. Step two is finding the exact issues that are plaguing you and finding solutions to them. It’s easy to think that your wife gets mad at you for leaving the toilet seat up or not putting your socks in the hamper, and while those things probably do annoy her, it’s not the reason your marriage is falling apart. They just add to the resentment, hurt and anger your wife is feeling because of something that you’ve said or done.
The same holds true if your husband yells at you because you burnt his dinner or his shirts aren’t getting clean enough in the wash.
In order to really make things better you both need to determine what the real problems are… and fix those. Try to cut through all the excess issues and focus in on the real issues. Do the two of you really talk? Do you really know how to express love, affection, anxiety, or hurt in productive ways? Most people don’t. Until you can learn these skills you will continue to be misunderstood and frustrated. If neither of you knows how to communicate productively you’ll both feel alienated, frustrated, hurt and angry. That will not get you anywhere you want to go.
Step three is to find someone who can help you get to the point where you both know how to communicate honestly how you are feeling. If you do it the right way, your partner is much less likely to get angry and defensive. Part of learning to communicate is to know what to say as well as how to say it. If you say things in such a way as to make it sound like you are accusing your partner, or blaming them, then all you’re going to accomplish is to make your partner mad and they will lash out at you. Before you know it, the two of you are in a brawl and no one ‘wins’.
A good counselor can help steer the two of you in the right direction and help you each stay calm. They can teach both of you how to express yourself in a constructive manner that will increase the chances of being heard and decrease the chances of getting in a fight.
This deceptively simple three step process can answer the question: how to save my marriage once and for all.