Maybe you have noticed the frequent texts. The way she gets all smiley when she picks up her phone. Perhaps she is talking about him all the time, saying how he does this or that. Maybe you have seen her look wistfully into the distance after a text from him. Whatever you have noticed, the fact of the matter is your wife has a new friend and you need to know if he has crossed that line, that is, if your wife is having an emotional affair.
What is an emotional affair?
An emotional affair is when a person who is in a relationship has a friendship with another person, usually the opposite gender, which becomes so close that it crosses the line that separates friendship and a relationship.
For instance, you might tell a friend something about your work, but you would tell your spouse exactly how you feel about the incident. You would confide in your spouse, tell them your secrets. When you start to confide in this way with a friend of the opposite gender, then this is creeping over into emotional affair territory.
How do I know if it is an emotional affair?
Any affairs can be hidden, and emotional infidelity is no different. With the additional fact that these affairs have no physical basis, they are easy to deny and very difficult to prove. However, there are signs and signals that you need to look out for, that will indicate this is more than a friendship.
— She gets a text and walks out of the room to read it
— She gets unusually happy when a text from him arrives
— She speaks about him often
— She compares you unfavorably to him – this is a big warning sign!
— She doesn’t want sex, but when she gets started she is enthusiastic (because she is imagining it’s him)
— She doesn’t want to do things together, things that you usually do
— She suddenly thinks the cutie things you do (things particular to you being a couple) are silly and immature
— She starts to dress up at times she knows she is going to see him
— She takes more care of her appearance every day
If you have three or four of these signs going on, then it is likely that your spouse is having an emotional affair.
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Why is she doing this?
When anything goes wrong we always end up asking why? There are many possible reasons but you need to ask yourself if there has been anything wrong at home? Has there been anything that you could have done that you haven’t done? Maybe you cannot think of anything specific.
One problem can be time. Have you made time to talk to her, to listen to her properly, to take in what she is saying and comment on it? Women need to talk about issues, not just to get a solution but to air their feelings. If you just provide solutions then you are not actively listening to her, and she will not feel heard and understood.
So, when some Lothario turns up at her office and compliments her on her dress, or buys her a coffee and spends time chatting with her, he knows he is onto a good thing. It doesn’t take a huge stretch for her to start confiding in him. This is how emotional affairs begin.
Where will it end?
Well, unfortunately if an emotional affair isn’t stopped then it often does lead to physical affairs. Women need to have an emotional basis for sexual intercourse, it isn’t just a physical thing for most women. Some men are very well aware of this, and that is why they are prepared to do the whole emotional thing, knowing that they may have a chance to make it physical.
What can you do about it?
First of all, you need to confront your spouse and tell her how you are feeling. She may well deny it all, but you need to let her know that you feel that she is pulling away from you.
Secondly, start trying to be a better husband or partner to her. Try and give her what she is getting from him; more time, compliments, understanding and support. Keep an eye on her but not oppressively, from a distance.
Thirdly, ask her to be open about her feelings. Point out that you are honest about who texts you, and why, so why can she not do that? This only works if she is hiding texts, of course.
If you are convinced that your wife is having an emotional affair, then maybe it’s time to renew your marriage, to rebuild the emotional connection with her. If you want to learn how to connect with your wife again, subscribe to Marriage Fitness FREE report, “7 Secrets for a Stronger Marriage” and get a FREE marriage assessment too. CLICK HERE to subscribe. It’s FREE.