One aspect of infidelity in marriage that is not addressed very frequently is the recovery of the unfaithful spouse. This is especially true of cheating wives. Very often, a man who is unfaithful can expect some understanding and support from friends and relatives and even from his wife, while women quite often find themselves going it alone.
It is sometimes more difficult for a husband to recover from his wife’s infidelity than vice-versa, and a husband who has been betrayed may have a harder time providing support to his wife.
Be sure of what you want and how you feel!
A woman who has been unfaithful must thoroughly examine her own motivations and needs when considering recovery from infidelity and saving the marriage. There are four questions that are very important to ponder when embarking on this very challenging project.
1. Do you want to repair and save your relationship?
Examine your motivations carefully. Do you really want to stay with your husband, or do you simply not want to fail at your marriage? These are two very different things. Think about what your life would be like without your husband. Is your marriage based in a true desire to be with each other or is it simply a matter of comfort, familiarity and convenience?
Would it be better or worse than it is with him? Are there reasons why you actually should leave him, such as abuse, addiction to drugs, alcohol or gambling?
If you are genuinely, emotionally concerned for your husband and still love him and feel that he is a good partner for you, and if your life would be worse without him, you can confidently make the decision to renew your commitment. Once you have made this decision, you must be able and willing to move forward with determination.
Untangle your emotions and attachments!
2. Have you ended and recovered from your liaison?
If you have not ended your extramarital relationship, obviously, that is the next right step! If you have, are you ready to step away from it mentally and emotionally as well as physically? Do you need help with that? If so, it would be a good idea to seek out the assistance of a qualified individual counselor or marriage counselor for some individual therapy.
You may be surprised by how much being able to talk your thoughts and feelings through completely and confidentially will help you in processing them and moving forward. Participating together in programs such as “How to Survive An Affair” is also very helpful.
You Can Heal From Infidelity!
How to Survive an Affair in Your Relationship
If you’ve been hurt by a spouse who has cheated on you, or you are looking to rebuild the trust after you committed the affair, then "How to Survive an Affair" is the first place to start.
Follow Dr. Gunzburg’s proven 3-part process for rebuilding the honesty and forgiveness after an affair.
Click the link below for your step-by-step roadmap to saving your marriage after it's been shattered by an affair. It will help you work through the healing and restoration of your relationship after an affair.
Be prepared for change!
3. Are you willing to make the changes and do the work necessary to rebuild trust and save your marriage?
Understand that recovering from your affair and saving your marriage may involve some big changes. Among them might be:
- Changing your job
- Moving to a new city
- Selling your home
If the object of your affair lives nearby or is a co-worker, your husband can quite reasonably expect you to make some big changes to break those ties and avoid both temptation and the potential for awkward and uncomfortable encounters.
To do this, you may need to liquidate assets you have built up together and start anew somewhere else. While this may be very difficult, it is ultimately a good thing. Making a fresh start is a good, pro-active step when dealing with infidelity in marriage.
Learn complete and total transparency in communication!
4. Are you willing to be completely transparent in all your communications?
In addition to being able to reasonably expect you to make big physical changes, your husband may also reasonably expect a tremendous amount of self-disclosure from you. You must be willing to share your e mail account, be very open and honest about your cell phone use and any meetings you may have.
You must be willing to be accessible by phone at any time and to answer any questions your husband may have about your whereabouts and activities.
While this may seem like a tremendous loss of freedom, the fact it, it is a reasonable accommodation under the circumstances. As time passes, and you are more and more successful in recovering from infidelity in marriage and rebuilding trust, these precautions will probably relax naturally.
Additionally, you will build a habit of being accountable, so they won’t chafe quite so much. Of course, transparency in communication is a two-way-street. Your husband should also be transparent in his communications with you as a matter of principle. The end result of mutual transparency is an honest, trustworthy partnership.